Sometimes this time of year rings in changes for people. I’ve often struggled with depression and the run up to christmas is specially tricky for me. However his year I decided to escape. And escape my family did, we flew off to the Canary Islands (as if you hadn’t guessed) and enjoyed some sunshine. Although there was Christmas decorations in the larger towns there was very little evidence of the huge commercialised Christmas that we have grown to know in recent years.
Getting away from the fake-ness really helped me. I feel so much more refreshed and ready for the big day. The root of my depression has been caused by the loss of several babies in recent years, but it’s a little bit more complicated than that. My twins loss was horrific and I had internal injuries that needed two surgeries to put right. I assumed after my twins I could just get pregnant again and bear another child but I couldn’t, I just lost baby after baby until my losses exceeded the number of living children I have. I am scarred and broken. I am trying my very best to recover, but and baby loss mum knows just how difficult Christmas can be.
We are told over and over again that Christmas is a joyful time. The birth of Jesus Christ was joyful, yet his poor 15year old mother endured so much hardship in coming to terms with her pregnancy. Mary experienced much joy, but she was fearful too.
Joy is not always the same as happiness. I am happy, I love my family and I think I have a pretty good life. My children are my joy.
So changes for me is that going away was a real help. I am happy with things just now, I escaped the craziness of Christmas run up and now I can celebrate the real Christmas.
I also got my hair cut, everyone has commented on how well I look. It is very different to how I looked before, nothing like change to freshen things up.
My house tomorrow will be busy, just like all the other houses everywhere. I am ready for it.